Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
