i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
