Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Enjoy the penises
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
