i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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