Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
