you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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