After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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