So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
