Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
