Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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