I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
