just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
