You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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