Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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