Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
