$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
