The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
jump out the window naked night went bad
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