I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
