Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
