Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
