She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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