Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
