Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
