oh god the rape fog is back!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
