Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he was CRYING into my vagina
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
