Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
