TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
