This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
someone owes me an orgasm
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
