I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
