I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
