note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
