it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
