His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize