Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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