I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
