Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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