so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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