I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
