She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
