So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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