So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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