Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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