this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
