I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize