that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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