By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
