I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
