yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
