You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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