my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize