It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
