i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
