piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
