if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
