**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
