i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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