Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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