i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
