Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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