I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize