Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
