it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
