She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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