Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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