I love black thongs
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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