Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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