rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize