sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
