I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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