she was so not down for the gang bang
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
