NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize