You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
