We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
