Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
