peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
where am i from again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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