last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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