Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
