her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
