38 yer olds are good kisserssss
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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