He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
