We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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