Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
