Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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