We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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