it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize