If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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