i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
