you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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