Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
