Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize