I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need a burrito and a hug.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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