Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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