his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
