I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
