My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize