I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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