She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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